This page deals with some things I have personally been through. I grew up in an alcoholic household and watched my father beat up my mother and sister. I took care of all of them until their deaths.
When I was 14 I was the victim of a rape. I became a victim of rape again at 18. The first time I had no idea what had happened to me. The second time I was embarrassed and both went unreported.

At the age of 20 I married to escape my parents household. I ended up marrying an abusive alcholic. He didn't just beat me, he also verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused me. I have three children by him. My oldest Kristofer was removed from the home when he was 2. He was never returned to the home and when he was 5 our parental rights were terminated. My other two children Kyle and Amanda have remained in the home. My first husband and I were married for 5 &1/2 years before we divorced.

I attended school for awhile but due to different difficulties of being a single mother with two small children I did not finish going to college. At one point I was attending a junior college, where I met my current husband. We have been together for almost 8 years and have been married for a little over 6 years. We have had many trying times throughtout the years. The kids not liking him and issues of abuse coming up and him ending up in jail, both of us losing jobs due to my son being suspended from school and the day care not taking him on those days, and the issues just go on. After this many years though both of my children concider him their daddy and their bio dad is just another person.

It came to light this past summer that my son suffers from depression, PTSD, and a boarderline personality disorder. The cause--when he was little he saw his father being abusive to me. At the same time I found that besides chronic depression, I too suffer PTSD and I have a right brain learning disability that at my age can not be treated. With suffering from both the depression and PTSD I have panic-anxiety attacks at times. My condition is especially bad for my husband because he doesn't understand what all is going on with me. It is also confussing for me. It has made working extremely difficult for me because I become frustrated so easily and then I either get angry or break into tears. Even the simplist thing such as going to the store can be difficult, especially with the aggressive drivers on the road. Then when I get to the store I sometimes suffer a panic attack and can not do the shopping.

I am taking a drug called Paxil and I am in therapy. With a lot of time and patience I am trying to sort out what has triggered all of this. And of course with the love of my husband I know I will make it. He has assured me that no matter what he loves me and does not want a divorce just because I suffer from depression and PTSD.

If you have a loved one who suffers from depression I ask that you be understanding and not ridicule them. Also, stand by them and help them to get help so they can start to heal. No you don't have to totally understand what is going on, just be compassionate.

I will be updating this page from time to time with my progress. So check back. I have some webrings that deal with domestic violence and being a survivor. Please click them on to visit other sites. They are located on my Abuse and Survivor Rings page.

If you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence please try to get them out of the situations no matter what the abuser has told them.